Once upon a time there was a young maiden who lived beneath
the sea. She had long, beautiful, golden hair and big, bright green eyes. She had a kind heart and was very intelligent, but she was also very lonely. She had friends who lived nearby, but they all had families and loved ones of their own and so she couldn't help but feel alone. One
day a young fisherman came to fish near where she resided. She studied him while
he was fishing and was intrigued by him. He had sad eyes and looked weary, but his eyes also sparkled with the potential of great happiness and this made the maiden decide that she wanted to get to know him better. She felt a connection with him because of her sadness at being alone and wondered if they could be the missing pieces in each other's lives. The next
day the man returned to fish again. The young maiden, who was really a magical fairy, transformed herself into a
fish and allowed the fisherman to catch her.
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The young maiden was
very pleased with his actions and decided to reward him. So, the next day when
the fisherman went out again she jumped out of the pond and transformed back
into her human form. She did chores around the house of the young fisherman so that he would not have to worry about them when he returned home.
When the fisherman returned home from work he was shocked. He assumed that his neighbors had paid him a kindness and put it out of his mind. The next day he went out to sea again and when he returned home the house had been cleaned once more. He was perplexed and shared the story with a friend. The friend asked him who was left at home while he was away and the fisherman told him that there was no one there except for the fish. After hearing this, the friend told the fisherman that he should act as if he was going to work and then hide to see who was doing the cleaning.
The following day the fisherman followed his friend’s instructions and acted as if he was going to work and then hid in the cupboard. The maiden then leaped out of the water and shed her shiny orange fish disguise once again. The fisherman was surprised and transfixed by the maiden’s beauty. Her damp hair and skin glimmered in the sunlight and even though he was taken aback by her beauty, he was able to act quickly and grabbed the fish skin and threw it into the fire. The maiden was upset at being caught and felt vulnerable in her human form. However, after watching the young fisherman for many days, she had begun to fall in love with him and the vulnerable feeling quickly vanished. She relayed her feelings to him and he declared that he might be falling in love with her as well. So, the two decided that they should be wed.
When the fisherman returned home from work he was shocked. He assumed that his neighbors had paid him a kindness and put it out of his mind. The next day he went out to sea again and when he returned home the house had been cleaned once more. He was perplexed and shared the story with a friend. The friend asked him who was left at home while he was away and the fisherman told him that there was no one there except for the fish. After hearing this, the friend told the fisherman that he should act as if he was going to work and then hide to see who was doing the cleaning.
The following day the fisherman followed his friend’s instructions and acted as if he was going to work and then hid in the cupboard. The maiden then leaped out of the water and shed her shiny orange fish disguise once again. The fisherman was surprised and transfixed by the maiden’s beauty. Her damp hair and skin glimmered in the sunlight and even though he was taken aback by her beauty, he was able to act quickly and grabbed the fish skin and threw it into the fire. The maiden was upset at being caught and felt vulnerable in her human form. However, after watching the young fisherman for many days, she had begun to fall in love with him and the vulnerable feeling quickly vanished. She relayed her feelings to him and he declared that he might be falling in love with her as well. So, the two decided that they should be wed.
News of the
maiden’s beauty quickly spread and reached the ear of the king. The king sent
for the girl and upon seeing her decided that he should marry her. He knew that she
was to marry the fisherman so he made him a deal. The king said that if he completed
a series of tasks that he would allow the fisherman to marry her. Each task
seemed impossible. The king asked for a beautiful palace made of gold and
diamonds, he asked for a crystal bridge, a feast that would feed the kingdom
and still have food leftover, and for an infant who was less than a day old
that could walk and talk. The fisherman felt utterly defeated, but his love
assured him that everything would work out. She helped him complete all the
tasks by using her magic and her magical connections. The king was annoyed and
frustrated that the fisherman had bested him, but he was a man of his word so
he allowed the fisherman and the maiden to wed. The fisherman's entire village attended the wedding ceremony and it was beautiful. The wedding celebration consisted of exquisite foods and fine wines and it lasted a whole week. The young couple then went on with their
new life together and lived happily ever after.
Author's Note: I based my story off of the Fish-Peri from Forty-Four Turkish Fairy Tales by Ignacz Kunos. The original story starts by explaining how the boy's father was a fisherman, but didn't want his son to know where their money came from. The father died and the mother followed her husband's wishes. She later died as well and the boy tried his hand at many different trades and could not succeed. He eventually found his father's fishing net and decided to give that a try. He did pretty well and eventually caught the fish-peri (fairy). At this point I left the story pretty much the same. I left out specific details about how the different tasks were completed, added the part about the girl loving the boy first and wanting to be caught, and shortened the wedding celebration. The rest of the plot is generally the same because I didn't want to take to much away from the original story.
The main part that I changed was having the fish-peri purposely get caught by the fisherman in the hopes of finding love. I wanted to add this aspect to the story because my portfolio is following the direction of fairy tales and love stories. In the original the fisherman and the fish-peri do get married, but I wanted to add more of a back story. I wanted to put more motivation behind their love and the wedding. I thought by starting the story with a lonely maiden and then showing the journey she goes on to find love helped give this story more of a romantic fairy tale feeling, which follows the theme of my portfolio.
The main part that I changed was having the fish-peri purposely get caught by the fisherman in the hopes of finding love. I wanted to add this aspect to the story because my portfolio is following the direction of fairy tales and love stories. In the original the fisherman and the fish-peri do get married, but I wanted to add more of a back story. I wanted to put more motivation behind their love and the wedding. I thought by starting the story with a lonely maiden and then showing the journey she goes on to find love helped give this story more of a romantic fairy tale feeling, which follows the theme of my portfolio.
Bibliography: Forty-Four Turkish Fairy Tales by Ignacz Kunos; Mythology and Folklore untextbook
Cassie, I had to read your notes about the source story before truly appreciating what you had written here. This was a really well put together story and I liked the elements which you kept similar and the elements which you shortened. I think one possible element you could add to the story is maybe some dialogue. However often times I like to write stories without it just to give a hidden perspective. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to reading more of your stories.
ReplyDeleteCassie,
ReplyDeleteI actually just read your portfolio as well, and I like the theme you have going with the young maidens. If you can keep it up throughout the semester, it would be so cool to read about all of the different characters you have created, and maybe even write a story that contains all of them interacting with one another.
It was so cute that she helped the fisherman with all of his assigned tasks! To me, that showed that she really did want to marry him!
Cassie, this story was really good. I had never heard of the story before, but you seem to have included all of the good parts. Sometimes I wish I could have a fish that would clean my place whenever I leave, but I’m not so sure that will work out. This was a well written story and I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I love the layout and theme of your blog! I read in your author’s note that you want to do fairy tales and love stories for your portfolio and I think you blog fits nicely into this theme. Now back to the story! I really enjoyed your story! I think it was fun that the maiden purposely got caught and then became an invisible helper to the fisherman. One thing that I would have loved to see is more details into how she helped the fisherman complete all of his tasks! Especially how she got an infant to walk and talk!! Your story provided just enough dialogue to keep the story moving without it weighing the story down. If you continue to focus on love stories throughout your portfolio it might be interesting to see what happens after the Happily Ever After! Overall, great job!!
ReplyDeleteI remember reading this story for one of my chosen units earlier this semester and wondering about the maiden’s perspective in all of this, so I love how you’ve retold the story from her point of view. I like how there was a little bit of a Little Mermaid flair in the way she studied the fisherman at the beginning of the story, and how you fleshed out her loneliness and curiosity about him into motivation for getting caught. The fact that she had a hand in the events made her feel more like an actual person than the original version of the story did.
ReplyDeleteAlong those lines, my only suggestion is that you might consider elaborating a little more on how the maiden feels at certain points in the story. It would be interesting to see how she feels when the king decides to demand her hand in marriage, for instance, or when the fisherman throws her fish skin into the fire. You address the fact that she doesn’t like being caught by the fisherman, but I have to wonder how she feels about the fact that she’s caught in human form now? Little details like that might deepen her character even more, just like when you explained her motivations in the beginning.
You did very well in writing the story. It does actually sound like a fairy tale or a children’s story. The introduction gives the readers enough details to ease in to the story. Your writing made the story go smoothly throughout the story.
ReplyDeleteIn the third paragraph, I would delete the extra ‘n’ in “So, the next day when then fisherman went out again…”
I wonder how the young maiden was lonely. It would be nice know why she was lonely. Are fairies like her hard to find? Did she have a few fish acquaintances, but they weren’t really close to her? It doesn’t have to be long, but a sentence showing why she was lonely would let the readers feel more sympathy for her in the beginning.
I wonder what if you add some details about the features of the young maiden’s beauty in the beginning. It will give readers a better mental image about her.
This is a very well written story and does not do more than it needed to. I loved how kind the fishermen was. There are a few things that I would like to see implemented into this story. One, why was the maiden alone and how was she able to transform into a fish. You mentioned that she had magical power later in the story, but I would like to hear about them in the beginning as well. Another thing is to add what the maiden liked about the man. Yes he had a kind heart, but what did she see while she was in the pond that made her fall in love with him. I believe these would give you a more emotionally connective story. Overall great job.
ReplyDeleteI'm very impressed by the prose in this story. Usually I have a really hard time getting sentences to connect, but this is truly the epitome of a story that just flows.
ReplyDeleteAdditionally, I really liked the adaptations your story made. For one, you put the Maiden at the forefront of the story and gave her an interesting lead role. In a lot of the stories I have read in this class, the beautiful maiden is merely a prize for some main hero, but your story put a nice twist on this trope.
Also I thought you kept very close to the style in which the source story was written. There wasn't a lot of dialogue, which normally I take issue with, but in your story I didn't find myself missing it.
There were a few parts that I felt might be overstated or obvious that could be taken out, but to be honest this is just nitpicking! I'm trying to find good criticism for everyone's stories, so take this with a grain of salt.
"... told him that there was no one there except for the fish."
-For some reason, it seemed odd that the fisherman would mention the fish at all here when trying to think of people who could have been cleaning his house. (especially since the fish was outside)
Anyway, great job on this!
I really enjoyed reading this story. I love happy endings so I’m glad they were able to live happily together. This story was really well written as well. The descriptions and details in this story really put the story together. I was able to read and picture this all happening at the same time. I wonder what would have happened if the fisherman did not feel the same way as the maiden. Would she be sad and lonely forever and go back home? Another thing is maybe you could talk more about the maiden’s family. Did she have a family or did something happen to her parents? I think it would be interesting to add that detail so we know how lonely she was. I also like how there was a conflict in the story and the fairy was able to help the fisherman out.
ReplyDeleteOverall, I thought this story was great!